Trying to ignore your inner critic can be tempting, but let’s talk about why that will backfire over time.
Why You May Try to Ignore Your Inner Critic
It’s common to try to ignore your inner critic. You may think, “My inner critic is unfair and wrong, so I’ll just ignore it!” After all, why give energy to negative thoughts?
This strategy might work in the short term. Distraction from negative thoughts and fears offers you relief, and frees up time and space to get things done. You’re not “feeding the beast”, so you might feel like you’ve beaten it.
Why It Will Backfire to Ignore Your Inner Critic:
- Unexpressed feelings don’t go away. Instead, they tend to come out as anxiety, stress and depression. So, it comes as no surprise that stuffing those feelings can contribute to significant mental and emotional distress. Your inner critic’s voice, like all of your thoughts and feelings, wants to be heard.
- Your inner critic is not, in fact, a “beast”. Rather, it’s a part of you that thinks it is helping to keep you safe from rejection. By criticizing you and pointing out your shortcomings, it believes it will drive you to do better and avoid mistakes. Also, it prevents you from taking risks altogether, again to keep you safe. These good intentions are misguided. The risks we’re talking about are the safe but scary actions that help you grow and achieve your goals. If you uncover your inner critic’s desire to help you, you can discover helpful perspectives hiding beneath the criticism.
If You Don’t Ignore Your Inner Critic, Then What?
The question then becomes, how do we listen to and process demoralizing messages without dissolving into a puddle of insecurity?
Here are three things to keep in mind:
1. Differentiate Yourself From Your Inner Critic
By recognizing that you are not your thoughts, you can begin to detach from their influence. Instead, you can notice and choose not to believe unhelpful thoughts.
It doesn’t hurt to shine a little love and light on your inner critic. Thank it for trying to help you by pointing out your shortcomings, and let it know that you got this. You may find that it calms down when it’s reassured that it’s not the only one in charge.
2. Listen With Curiosity Instead of Judgment
Listening to your inner critic with curiosity instead of judgment will help you learn how to work with it. Label its message simply as “thinking” rather than as positive or negative. Over time, this non-judgmental labeling will empower you. You will be able to differentiate between constructive self-critique and unhelpful, harsh judgments.
This non-judgmental thought process might look something like:
A) “I’m noticing thoughts that people will laugh at my work because they will think I lack talent.”
This is descriptive, not judgmental.
Notice that it is a different experience than:
B) “OMG I’m worried about my work being laughed at because I have no talent.”
See the difference? In A, you’re giving the inner critic space. You are describing what it is saying without judgment. And, you are not automatically believing it to be true. By practicing this kind of non-judgmental awareness, you will lower your own stress level about your negative thoughts.
Without so much stress, you can become curious about your inner critic’s contributions. You might harness some insights. For example: “I’m feeling insecure about my work. I’m going to talk to a colleague about it, and see what they think. Maybe I need to brush up on some skills. Or maybe it’s fine and I’m just feeling nervous about sharing it.”
Working with a guided journal specifically geared towards inner critic work can be helpful here. Quiet Your Inner Critic by Lindsay Kramer guides you through simple exercises and prompts that help you reframe how you talk to yourself.
3. Don’t Accept the Inner Critic’s Statements as Truth
Inner critics tend to speak authoritatively:
- “You don’t have what It takes.”
- “That sucks.”
- “This will never work.”
Remember that these are not truths just because they’re stated as facts.
When you don’t accept inner criticism as fact, you can continue to observe without judgment and not jump to conclusions. Read more about the inner critic here.
Remember:
Thoughts are not facts, and
Feelings are not facts
What You May Find When You Don’t Ignore Your Inner Critic:
Motivation: The inner critic can serve as a source of motivation. Mild self-critique can push you to strive for improvement and excellence. It can encourage you to set high standards and work diligently to achieve your goals.
Quality Control: The inner critic can act as an internal quality control mechanism. It helps you evaluate your work critically, identify areas that need improvement, and refine your skills. This self-awareness can lead to the creation of high-quality work.
Learning and Growth: Constructive self-criticism can be a valuable tool for learning and personal growth. Artists who listen to their inner critic can adapt, learn from mistakes, and evolve in their artistic practices.
Attention to Detail: The inner critic can draw attention to important details in your work. It encourages a keen eye for nuances, which can enhance the depth and complexity of your creations.
Hurdles to Look Out For In Dealing With Your Inner Critic:
Overwhelming Self-Doubt: When self-criticism becomes relentless and overwhelming, it can lead to excessive self-doubt. You may constantly question your abilities and the value of your work, making it difficult to create or share your art.
Perfectionism: A hyperactive inner critic can fuel perfectionism, where artists set unrealistically high standards for themselves. This can result in chronic dissatisfaction, creative paralysis, and emotional distress.
Creative Blocks: An overpowering inner critic can contribute to creative blocks, making it challenging to start or complete projects. You may become so preoccupied with self-criticism that you struggle to find inspiration or joy in your work.
Decreased Enjoyment: When criticism dominates your thoughts, it can interfere with the enjoyment and fulfillment you derive from your creative endeavors. Art may become more of a source of stress than joy.
Stifled Authentic Expression: Artists who are excessively self-critical may censor their true creative voices, fearing judgment or rejection. This can lead to art that lacks authenticity and emotional depth.
The trick is to strike a balance between harnessing the helpful aspects of the inner critic while mitigating its detrimental effects.
You CAN learn to manage and reframe your self-critical thoughts. By fostering a healthier relationship with your inner critic, you can promote creativity, improved self-esteem, and overall well-being.
If you are feeling bullied and held back by your inner critic and want help getting a handle on it, therapy can help. Please feel free to get in touch with me. You can schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me here.
I am authorized to treat clients in 40 states. If I’m not available, I can provide you with appropriate resources so that you can find the help you are looking for.
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