Overcome a Phobia: How to Conquer Your Fear

You can overcome a phobia, even if that feels impossible right now. 

Phobias are more than just fears. A true phobia can make everyday activities feel life-threatening, even when you know they’re not. And when you suffer from a phobia, you’re likely to feel a high level of fear and/or anxiety much of the time, as well as miss out on things due to the feared object or situation. 

In this post, I’m going to describe what phobias are, and how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Treatment can help you overcome a phobia.

What Exactly is a Phobia?

The term “phobia” is not just a fancy term for being scared; it’s a specific and intense fear of a particular thing or situation. 

The feared situation can cause feelings of anxiety and panic, and lead to extreme avoidance. 

Phobias can be as diverse as a clown at a birthday party, an elevator ride, or the sight of a spider. 

Why Phobias are Different than Everyday Fears

Two things set phobias apart from everyday fears. One is the sheer intensity of the emotional and physical response they trigger. The other is the impact that the fear has on your daily life. 

People with phobias often go to great lengths to avoid the possibility of coming into contact with their fears. For example, someone with a dog phobia might rarely leave their house, to avoid the possibility of seeing a dog. 

We all have fears; it’s a part of being human. But when those fears start dictating our lives, that’s a sign that there may be a more serious problem with anxiety, like a phobia. 

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Treatment: the Gold Standard to Overcome a Phobia

The good news is that phobias are very treatable.

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the treatment modality that I use to treat phobias. ERP is one type of exposure therapy. It is a well-researched, empirically validated treatment, and it is highly effective in treating phobias, as well as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.  

I’ll explain ERP in more detail below. I also talk more about phobias in the articles “Do You Have a Phobia?” and “Three Steps to Overcome a Phobia”. 

The Exposure Part: Crucial to Overcome a Phobia

Imagine you’re afraid of flying – the mere thought of it makes your heart race and your hands sweat. ERP starts by exposing you to the very thing you fear in a controlled and gradual manner. 

In the case of flying, it might begin with looking at pictures of airplanes, then progressing to watching videos, and eventually, stepping onto an airport runway. You may spend time visualizing yourself on a plane. 

The key here is the gradual progression. It’s like learning to swim by starting in the shallow end before tackling the deep end. Each step forward builds resilience, allowing your brain to adjust and realize, “Hey, this isn’t as terrifying or dangerous as I thought.”

It’s common for me to hear clients wonder how they ever felt so afraid of something that just no longer feels like a big deal to them. That is the power of exposure to re-wire your emotional responses! 

The Response Prevention Part: Helping you Overcome a Phobia

The second part of ERP is response prevention. This involves changing your typical reaction to the feared object or situation. If you’re afraid of elevators, the usual response might be to frantically press the close button and pray for a swift exit. Or, you might just avoid elevators altogether. With ERP, you consciously resist these impulses.

By preventing the typical fear and avoidance response, you’re rewiring your brain. It’s like teaching an old dog new tricks – your brain learns that the world doesn’t end when faced with the feared situation. This process helps break the cycle of fear and gradually weakens the grip of the phobia.

An important part of preparing for Response Prevention is developing breathing and relaxation tools to use in place of your fear responses. You want to be armed with a new response when you’re exposing yourself to something frightening. 

Facing the Phobia to Overcome it– Step by Step

It does require time, effort, and patience to overcome a phobia, but if you stay the course, you can expect good results. Here’s a typical course of phobia treatment: 

• • Know Your Phobia to Overcome It:

First you want to pinpoint the exact fear that’s holding you back. Is it spiders, heights, or perhaps crowded places?

This step is usually pretty straightforward. My clients typically know exactly what they are afraid of. It’s hard to imagine someone saying, “I’m either deathly afraid of spiders or flying, I can’t remember which!” 

That said, there is value in knowing the exact nature of your phobia. Reflect for a moment. For example, is it all elevators, or just in tall buildings? Do all flying insects send you into panic mode, or just bees? This will help you target your intervention more effectively.

• • Practice Breathing and Relaxation:

Before you start any exposure exercises, it’s a good idea to practice relaxation and breathing skills. You will need them as you confront feared situations in the course of exposure. 

Even five minutes a day of using an app like Headspace or Calm will help you develop the tools for calming yourself.

And remember, your exposure exercises start small and work their way up as you overcome each smaller fear. So, you only need to know how to calm yourself down from mildly to moderately anxiety-provoking stimuli.   

• • Break Your Phobia Down:

Take your phobia and break it into smaller, more manageable chunks. For example, if you’re scared of dogs, you might start with pictures of dogs, then progress to videos, then plan an encounter where you look at a dog in real life from a safe distance.

These smaller chunks are arranged in a hierarchy, from least anxiety-provoking to the scariest situation you can imagine. Ultimately, this “most scary scenario” will become your victory goal. 

For example, with a fear of dogs, your scariest situation might be standing in a dog park surrounded by dogs, some of which come up and sniff you and expect you to pet them. 

In that case, your victory goal could be, you guessed it, standing in a dog park and petting any dogs that came up to you. But remember, you don’t start there. You work your way up to it. 

Intermediate steps could be petting one dog, or sitting indoors with a dog in the room. But the thought of doing that right now might seem terrifying. That’s okay! You don’t have to do it now. 

• • Overcome Fear in Small Steps:

Gradual exposure is the key. Don’t rush into the deep end – dip your toes in first. If you’re terrified of driving, begin by sitting in a parked car, then progress to short drives around the block. 

At each small step, you want to repeat it until it is no longer particularly anxiety-provoking for you. These small steps really add up. Before long, you will be able to stay calm during an exposure that would have felt overwhelming in the past.   

• • Challenge Your Response to Your Phobia:

When faced with the feared stimulus, consciously resist the usual fear response. If your phobia is elevators, resist the urge to leave the elevator and take the stairs. Use the breathing and relaxation skills that you developed before you started your exposure steps. Over time, your body will learn how to shift into relaxation more easily. 

Don’t move on to the next feared stimulus until the current one becomes relatively comfortable and routine for you. This is important! In order to overcome a phobia, your nervous system must learn that it can calm down in the presence of the feared stimulus, and not because you left the situation.

Challenging your desire to avoid your fear is serious work. It helps to have support from family, friends, a therapist… you don’t have to do this alone! 

• • Celebrate Every Victory in Overcoming Your Phobia:

Remember, every step forward is a victory! Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. It’s these victories that build the staircase to overcoming your phobia.

Success Stories: You CAN Overcome a Phobia

Client confidentiality prevents me from sharing actual success stories from my therapy work in helping people overcome phobias. I can say, however, that I have treated people with phobias for over 20 years, and that ERP works.

Your nervous system is a very adaptable system, and it wants to keep you safe. When you teach it through ERP that dogs or spiders or whatever you fear is not dangerous, it will abandon that fear. It might be hard to imagine now, but I’ve seen it happen over and over again! 

A Path to Freedom from Your Phobia

As difficult as it might be to imagine when you are in the throes of a phobia, you can one day find freedom from it. Imagine realizing, “I don’t remember what it was like to feel so afraid of (your fear).”  

How I Can Help You Overcome a Phobia

If you are suffering from a phobia and ready to find some relief, I encourage you to reach out for help. Within a few months of treatment, you should expect to see significant progress in overcoming your phobia. 

I am authorized to treat clients in 40 states. Your first step is to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me.  

You can schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me here. 

Even if I’m not available to work with you in therapy, I can provide you with appropriate resources to find the help you are looking for. Phobias can be overcome, and I encourage you to seek treatment for them!